How do I schedule a Bar/Bat Mitzvah date for my child?
To avoid having more than one MJDS B’nai Mitzvah on any date in each class, we maintain a calendar for our school. Prior to confirming a date at your synagogue, please get in touch with Marilyn Ruby in our office, and let her know whether you are planning a morning or Havdallah service. She will check the MJDS calendar to make sure that no other MJDS student in your child’s grade is scheduled on that date. You can reach Marilyn at mruby@mjds.org, or 414/967.8315.
MJDS maintains this calendar as a courtesy to our families and staff members, as we don’t want staff or students to have to choose which event to attend. In the event of double-booking, it is up to the parents involved to reach a compromise.
When scheduling an evening service or party, please be sure that your event does not begin before Shabbat ends. Also, do not schedule an event on a Jewish holiday. You can always check Shabbat times and holidays at www.hebcal.com or by contacting Marilyn Ruby.
What types of celebrations do our students have?
We want our students to be proud of their own synagogues, to observe Jewish customs, and to embrace diversity. The best that can come from a Community Jewish Day School experience is learning about each other’s customs in a supportive and respectful manner.
Some families schedule the B’nai Mitzvah as close to their child’s 13th birthday as possible, while others choose a date convenient for family and friends. Some synagogues hold B’not Mitzvah when girls are 12 years old, and others at either age 12 or 13. Shabbat morning services usually are followed by a luncheon, and Havdallah services usually are followed by a dinner. Some families plan the service for Rosh Chodesh. It really is up to each family and the synagogue. Many of the children also host a party for their friends. It is MJDS policy to invite ALL students in the grade – or invite just a few very close friends.
As a Jewish community day school, MJDS families represent about eight different local synagogues that cover the spectrum of Jewish observance. This provides an excellent opportunity for us to teach about diversity and respect. In preparation for B’nai Mitzvah, 6th graders learn about the different denominations in American Judaism. In 7th grade, they review the information and discuss the customs within each movement. For example, when attending an Orthodox service, we expect boys to wear a kippah and girls to wear longer skirts and have their arms covered.
Are parents/guardians also invited to the B’nai Mitzvah?
Most invitations go to students only. However, parents/guardians certainly may be invited depending on your personal relationship with the family. Shabbat services at the synagogues are open to the public, and we always encourage parents to attend services.
Does everything need to be kosher at the B’nai Mitzvah?
Because we want every student to feel included, food options should be available for students who observe kashrut. If your meal is not kosher, you must provide a vegetarian, parve (neither milk nor meat) or milchik (dairy) option.
What is the policy for inviting staff to B’nai Mitzvah?
There is no set rule for inviting MJDS teachers and administrators. Some families send one invitation addressed to the entire staff (we post these in the staff workroom). Other families send specific teachers formal invitations or invitations printed on their computers. We are happy to put invitations in teacher mailboxes for you. We hope parents understand that while staff members would love to attend every celebration, they are not realistically able to do so. Most staff will attend the service only.
Are parents/guardians also invited to the B’nai Mitzvah?
Most invitations go to students only. However, parents/guardians certainly may be invited depending on your personal relationship with the family. Shabbat services at the synagogues are open to the public, and we always encourage parents to attend services.
What are behavior expectations during B’nai Mitzvah services?
We discuss appropriate behavior at B’nai Mitzvah with our students. Staff members attend services as guests and are not there to supervise children. Please review the following behavior guidelines with your child:
- Sit up straight and keep feet on the floor
- Avoid chatting with neighbors
- Dress appropriately for the synagogue
- Focus on the service and follow attentively in the siddur
- Stay in the sanctuary – especially during the rabbi’s sermon and when the congregation is standing
- Avoid eating and chewing gum
- Turn off cell phones during the service and luncheon
If you have concerns about your child’s behavior, we encourage you to attend the service and to sit next to your child.
It can be very expensive to give each Bar/Bat Mitzvah student a gift over the course of the year. Are there any options?
In the past, parents in each class have organized a fund to purchase a gift for each child in the class. We strongly encourage families to contribute toward a group gift. Gifts in the past have included a tzedakah box, a yad (Torah pointer), and personalized artwork. Some classes also have purchased Israeli Bonds. If your class decides to have a group gift, chairpeople will be chosen, and they will keep you apprised.
If you have further questions…
In addition to our annual meeting with 6th grade families to discuss B’nai Mitzvah procedures, you can always contact Adon Moshe Katz, Jewish Studies Coordinator, 414/967-8318, or mkatz@mjds.org. |
